A Glen for the Less Cynical

I’m no dentist but as I face Shrek and Donkey with their, bulbous wide open eyes I can’t help but notice their truly terrifying teeth. Fiona is nowhere to be seen and nearby Barney the purple dinosaur looks like he’s been out on the town the night before. His mouth agape in a twisted smile as his beady black eyes stare into your soul.

Thankfully, these characters and their rotting teeth aren’t real, but are also not a part of a deeply weird dream. In reality its a bright Sunday afternoon in the countryside and several excitable kids are running their parents ragged around the 28 acre Den in the Glen. Otherwise known as Storybook Glen.

The three of us felt understandably out of place as we wandered around the grounds as childless adults, but curiosity kills the cat. I think we wanted to discover why this local attraction has received so much attention for ourselves. Receiving plenty of positive and negative recognition since its opening in the 1980s.

A 15 minute drive from Aberdeen, the Storybook Glen is located near Maryculter, a small village along the South Deeside Road to the west of the city. I have little recollection of visiting the park before, although my parents have informed me that I had previously visited as a chubby infant.

The Den includes a restaurant and soft play Centre, both currently closed due to Covid-19 restrictions. Meanwhile, the Glen hosts 94 figures ranging from Humpty Dumpty and his wall to the cast of In the Night Garden. This huge collection of fictional characters are inarguably the most interesting commodity of the attraction.

Don’t get me wrong, several of the figures in the park are very well done. It also feels misplaced for a below par artist like myself to be so critical of the work on display at the Glen. At secondary school level my trees still looked quite dodgy and my hills looked like buttocks protruding into a sky of fluffy sheep. Basically, I’m no Picasso okay.

In truth, Cinderella looks quite resplendent in her well maintained sky blue dress, complete with horse drawn pumpkin carriage. Other highlights include its three miniature castles, a grinning tiger and Puff the Magic Dragon, which coincidentally is one of the only songs I could play on the violin. In a dark twist the tiger was apparently decapitated by a thief in 2012, but seems to have miraculously recovered quite well.

These caveats aside, its not too difficult to see why the well attended attraction aimed at young children has previously been labelled as nightmarish. As mentioned, everyone’s favourite purple dinosaur is quite terrifying and several others could definitely do with a fresh lick paint.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the park Fireman Sam looks like he’s suffered a particularly hard paper round and the Teletubbies look like they been eating too much tubby custard. Nearby, Postman Pat is joined by a red van which he would struggle to fit in with his colossally oversized noggin.

Pat and Sam are child’s play compared to the miniature Emerald Castle though, complete with a worse for wear lion, a tin man with little heart and a scarecrow who’s peeling nightmare of a face topped the lot.

Lisa Simpson does however, offer stiff competition to the Wizard of Oz gang, her saxophone attached to her featureless face for the rest of eternity. The older Simpson sister stands next to her brother, Bart, his eyes bulging out of his head as he balances on a skateboard with his eight fingers outstretched.

In 2011 the site bared witness to the shocking discovery of a dead body amongst its grounds in a darker dose of reality. The man in his 20s was initially mistaken for a vandalised figure by a family, before they discovered something much more horrifying than that on closer inspection.

There is however, a noticeable appeal to Storybook Glen, especially for those children who are easily captivated by the site of their favourite fictional characters all in the same place. We were lucky enough to get a nice day for our wee outing amongst its picturesque grounds, but I don’t think I quite rediscovered my childhood.

The Glen also homes a couple of pigs, some bunny rabbits and chickens, which seem to appear from thin air, in its Old Macdonald’s farm section for any animal lovers. But I’m not sure I would return anytime soon, even to go and see the real highland cow which we somehow managed to miss.

And yet, Storybook Glen was well worth a look around on a day when I didn’t have much else going. If nothing else, the staggering amount of caricatures offer a unique experience to its many visitors who are hopefully a little less cynical and younger than myself.

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